So here is to veering away from my usual posts. Admittedly, I do not feel inspired to make an entry here in my WordPress account the past weeks. So many travel backlogs that need to be shared but it seems that my laziness is hitting me to the core. Every night though, I find myself clouded with so many racing thoughts. So I am giving in to these random things that has kept me quite jittery for some time now. And yeah, this entry is in Taglish. So bare with me.
Kit McCallumonce once shared,
“How often we must bear the challenges of living and loving?
The endless roller coaster between happiness and sorrow;
The constant ups and downs of daily strife.
And always the question remains …. why?”
How often do we ask the question “Where do I go from here?” If life is a series of challenges and lessons, then only by reflecting on our past triumphs and mistakes, can we wisely choose the next path that we will ultimately embrace.
I have always wanted to write something to address such question but then I always find myself feeling dumpy doing it. There are things kasi na parang mahirap isulat. Sigurado ako, marami sa atin ang dumating na sa puntong nahihirapan ng magdesisyon sa ilang mga bagay… leaving us wondering on how to deal with delicate things. Iyun bang tipong nag-aalala tayo about choosing the slighter of 2 tribulations (or iyong mas maganda sa dalawang positibong bagay). Most often than not eh, it’s a choice between doing the decently right thing (or giving in to a new judgment) at kung anu-ano pang mga bagay (ie let go of something you think is hurting us, or get hurt and hold on because you love that person). These, perhaps, are very rigid actions lalo na sa isang kultura kung saan lahat ata ng bagay eh personal.
I was in a state of hurly-burly for the past few days. Baffled. Depressed. Anxious. Devastated. Napaka-indescribable yung feeling, un lang – it was in a badlight. I was in a dilemma.
Should I stay? Or was it time to leave?
Kailangan ko pa bang maghintay pa o tama na kasi nakakapagod na rin?
It’s a battle between holding on and letting go.
As with most things in life, just when we think we had something going smoothly, life throws us a boomerang; causing our relationship with someone hard hit; something none of us was at fault with, but nonetheless, leaves a stubborn scar. I had a misunderstanding with a good friend the past days. My friend was more resilient, offering to piece things back. But my survival instinct got the better off me. And so I walked away. Ma-pride ako, kaya hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin kinakausap. I still am doing the silent treatment. Sigh.
Next topic: Na-miss kong magsulat ng tungkol sa love.
I could not even remember when was the last time I wrote something about love. Yung classic na entry tungkol sa pag-ibig ha. Sa totoo lang, magmula ng ma-broken-hearted ako 7 years, 6 months, 1 day, 23 hours and 55 minutes (as of this time I’m typing this) ago, eh hirap na ako gumawa ng mga tungkol sa love. Hirap man, I still try my best to extract some creative juices. So, if there are things I have learned from my past relationship, eto ang mga ilan sa mga yun.
Love is a battleground. Nabanggit eto ng isa sa mga characters sa series na Chuck. I texted this line to my friends. Surprisingly, one friend of mine naively texted back and said – “So if you know that you have all the weapons, don’t get yourself defeated…” (na may kasama tawa sa text).
Her candid remark made me think. OO nga naman. Why would I just walk away and concede, eh marami pa namang paraan jan na hindi ko pa ginagawa; marami paakong weapons na hindi ko nagagamit. It has dawned in me na, may mga bagay nga siguro na hindi nagtatagal… But it is always our choice if we won’t make them last. Na hindi naman talaga sila mawawala if we didn’t choose to let them go. Na hindi naman sila aalis if only we kept our hands gripped together. (Kaso umalis at iniwan pa rin ako…)
In a Nutshell
Relationships come and go like people on a rotating door. Gaya ng mga gamot, its shelf life is finite, although it doesn’t necessarily have to mean short. When it’s time comes, it usually means it’s also time to move on. Moving on does not necessarily mean you have given up. Sabi nga sa kantang One Hello, “endings are beginnings”. Yeah right, there are more magnificent lives to be encountered, more people to meet who are just around the bend.
A magical relationship does not happen everyday. Every once in a while, it needs to loosen too. But at the end of the day, it will always be our option to let that magic stay. Haaaaaaaay, kelan nga kaya ulit darating yang magic na yan?
Love is not an easy road for most;
It twists and turns with many forks in the road,
Although always, and inevitably, we are given a choice …
Do we turn to the right … or the left?
Do we take the high road … or the low road?
Do we take the easy path … or the difficult one?
It’s your choice. It’s our choice. As the Karate Kid’s master says – “Life will knock us down, but it is our choice to get up back.” The warning though, is to catch yourself when it gets too easy.
Lester out. Take it easy everyone.